Exes and Meds

Friday, June 24, 2005

Mood: Ok

Things are going ok so far on the Wellbutrin. It seems to supress my appetite, though, so heartburn now seems to be my new cue to eat. That, and when my blood sugar bottoms out and I get headachy, nauseated, etc. Guess I'll just have to get used to that one.

I dropped my daughters off with their biological dad for the weekend. Even though the little guy is still with me, the house seems so quiet without them. They add a rambunctious sort of vitality to the house, you know? Then again, the quiet can be a nice thing. I also get to spend more time with the little guy and Hubby - even though the girls are always in the back of my mind.

The ex only sees them once in a great while. He doesn't even bother to call them. Every two or three months or so, he remembers he has kids, and calls to arrange a weekend with them. He strings them along, popping into their lives just enough to never let them move on without him. Visiting him always upsets them. The miss him all the more after seeing him, and then they don't hear from him for months. It breaks my heart so badly for them, and makes me hate him all the more. I wish he'd just give up parental rights and let Hubby adopt them. Hubby loves the girls as though they were his own, and they adore him, too. I just want to spare the girls this never ending cycle. I went through it while married to him. He'd be such an ass for a long time, and then, like the sun coming out, would be all loving and great. Then he'd go back to being an ass again. He'd 'play nice' just often enough so I would be thinking "well, he does have his good times", and not leave. Just enough to keep me strung along. To see him repeat this cyclical love with them is awful.

I don't want to write any more for now. I'm upsetting myself, and little guy is going for the pretty lighted blue button on the puter.....


pia said...

Hate to go all clichesh and say that they're lucky to have your hubby, but..

Welbutrin was great for losing weight but I ended up more depressed

psychotropics are even more of a miracle because they are such a crap shoot!

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