Slaves and Pets

Tuesday, April 08, 2008

I've been fortunate enough in the last month or so to be RPing in Shang with a really good partner. One of my slave alts is owned by a man who is involved in some sort of shady business, the kind that requires him to have a 'crew' that watches his back and helps him run things. He is big, tall, rough and gruff and not someone to meet in a dark alley. He bought this slave without any prior rental - just saw her and bought her. Well, it's amazing, but the RP has been fantastic and fun. And it has gotten me thinking.

About a year and a half ago, I had a Master that I thought was perfect. He didn't seem to think he was, though, and his doubts sort of derailed things. Along the way off the track, he aked me if I wanted to be a slave or a pet. I didn't know what to say. I had never thought there was a choice; in my mind, a sub is what her Master or Dom wants her to be. I didn't want to make a choice, but he was insistent. I don't remember what I chose now, but I guess it was wrong, because he's not my Master anymore. I still sometimes think about all that and wonder what the hell happened, but I suspect it's more a who than a what.

Anyway, this new RP partner and the way his character (JD) treats mine (Calista) has gotten me thinking about that question again - slave or pet. And I realize, after seeing the way JD treats Calista, that a choice isn't necessary. When my former Master wanted me to make the choice, I had thought I was doing something wrong, and that I was being punished by being limited to one role because I couldn't handle both. Well, I know now that I can handle both, and they flow seamlessly together for me. JD can treat Calista with incredible care and tenderness; he calls her his "Hellkitten" or "kitten" for short (which I adore) and dotes on her at times, but he's also able to treat her as property - sharing her with his crew, punishing her, whatever he needs to do.

Asking me to choose between slave and pet was like asking me which I wanted to keep, my arms or legs. It felt so wrong and so strange, and I agonized over it and drove myself nuts over it to the point where I was so confused I couldn't function as either. I wanted to sit in his lap AND kneel at his feet. Then after I chose, it was constant self-monitoring and doubt. Was I allowed to do X, or was that only for what I didn't choose to be? If I did Y, would that be taken wrong?

I'm so glad I'm getting to RP being both for someone. It's just RP, yes, but the effect of having my gifts of submission AND affection both equally accepted is helping alleviate the confusion and self-doubt I carried away from my last Master. With some more positive experience under my belt, maybe I'll be ready to try again. Because being a sub without a Master is awkward, at best.


Marcus said...

I'm glad you're finding something you need.

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