Exes and Meds

Mood: Ok

Things are going ok so far on the Wellbutrin. It seems to supress my appetite, though, so heartburn now seems to be my new cue to eat. That, and when my blood sugar bottoms out and I get headachy, nauseated, etc. Guess I'll just have to get used to that one.

I dropped my daughters off with their biological dad for the weekend. Even though the little guy is still with me, the house seems so quiet without them. They add a rambunctious sort of vitality to the house, you know? Then again, the quiet can be a nice thing. I also get to spend more time with the little guy and Hubby - even though the girls are always in the back of my mind.

The ex only sees them once in a great while. He doesn't even bother to call them. Every two or three months or so, he remembers he has kids, and calls to arrange a weekend with them. He strings them along, popping into their lives just enough to never let them move on without him. Visiting him always upsets them. The miss him all the more after seeing him, and then they don't hear from him for months. It breaks my heart so badly for them, and makes me hate him all the more. I wish he'd just give up parental rights and let Hubby adopt them. Hubby loves the girls as though they were his own, and they adore him, too. I just want to spare the girls this never ending cycle. I went through it while married to him. He'd be such an ass for a long time, and then, like the sun coming out, would be all loving and great. Then he'd go back to being an ass again. He'd 'play nice' just often enough so I would be thinking "well, he does have his good times", and not leave. Just enough to keep me strung along. To see him repeat this cyclical love with them is awful.

I don't want to write any more for now. I'm upsetting myself, and little guy is going for the pretty lighted blue button on the puter.....

Happy Pills, NeoPets, and Anguissettes

Mood: fair to middlin'
Music: 80's music channel

I went to my doctor's appointment and I got through it without throwing up from the anxiety! I hate going to the doctor to begin with, but going to the doctor to tell them you're mental is so much worse, somehow!

Anyway, she put me on Wellbutrin XL and made me an appointment to see her again in three weeks.

Not a single one of my family or friends is surprised. Fortunately, though, they are also very supportive. My husband, bless his heart, called me four times today to see if I was ok. He worries (too much) about possible side effects. I told him each time that no, I hadn't started doin' the tuna yet. (and before anybody jumps my shit about that last phrase, I have a very good friend who has frequent seizures, and if she can have a sense of humor about it (the phrase is how she refers to it), so can you - so jump off)

Anyway.

I had heard of NeoPets before, but never known what it was all about. Well, somehow, one of my homeschooling email lists got on the topic of NeoPets, Yu-Gi-Oh, and other obsessions of youth. Somebody said she was having as much fun with NeoPets as her kids were, so I thought I'd check it out.

I'm now the proud owner of a sweet little tiger-lookin' thing (a Krouga, if I remember correctly). I have a little shop. I'm addicted to a couple of the games. All in the course of one day. I'm glad we have two computers set up right now, or the kids and I would be battling for NeoPet time. As it is, I might end up setting up one of the other puters with a wireless card so we can all be on at the same time (and play games together). Of course, we really need to get that third puter set up anyway, for this year's homeschooling. I have plans that will require both kids to have ready access, and right now they are sharing a puter with Hubby. My computer is off limits to everyone else, naturally. I'm the only one in the house that really knows more than the basics about computers, and Hubby has a blue thumb. He crashed my puter once, and went out that weekend to buy one for himself. He said he didn't want to bring down that kind of wrath ever again....... lol.

I suppose I'm done with the puter for the night. I'm going to plop myself down in the rocker and read Kushiel's Dart (yeah, I'm rereading it). Scintillating bedtime reading. ; {)

Love as thou wilt.....

Taking the Plunge

Mood: Apprehensive
Music: none

Well, I did it. I called and made a doctor's appointment about my chronic depression. I've been moderately depressed for.....well, for as long as I can remember. I used to think that's just the way I am, but as I get older and meet more people, I realize that my irritable, moody, mopy, unmotivated behavior is not normal. I've reached the point where I feel like something must be done. It took a long time for me to get the courage to make the call and ask to be seen for depression.

I feel like I just jumped off the high board and haven't hit the water yet.

I go in on Monday. I sure hope they can help. I'll keep ya posted.

Email

Mood: half a bubble off plumb
Music: 80's channel (what else?)

I got this email with a whole LOT of sayings and bumper stickers. Some were the old standbys, but there were a few goodies in there. Yes, I'll share:

• Last night I played a blank tape full blast. The mime next door went
  nuts.
• Right now I've got amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think
  I've forgotten this before.
• I like the insanity, but stop the stupidity.
• Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
• Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.
• I bet I can stop gambling.
• Few women admit their age, few men act it.
• If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made with meat?
• Comfort the disturbed. Disturb the comfortable.
• According to my calculations, the problem doesn't exist.
• Warning: Dates on calendar are closer than they appear.
• Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.
• At a nudist wedding everyone can see who the best man is.
• Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
• Very funny Scotty. Now beam down my clothes.
• Diplomacy is the art of saying "nice doggy" . . . until you can find
  a rock.
• I don't get even, I get odder.
• If your nose runs and your feet smell you were probably built upside
  down.
• I like you but I wouldn't want to see you working with sub-atomic
  particles.
• If you can't baffle them with brilliance, befuddle them with
  bullshit.

Anyway, that's my lazy gal post for tonight. I have to go do my blogroll and blog explosion rounds.

G'night!

Caffeine-induced Silliness

Mood: so wired on caffeine that I can't quit clenching my teeth
TV: Deadliest Catch

Boy, am I wound up! I keep trying to relax my jaw, but every time I quit concentrating, my teeth clench again. I'm going to have a hell of an achy mouth tomorrow!

Had a little fun at hubby's expense tonight. Heehee! I tell ya, a man really hates it when you can't quit laughing when he has his penis exposed. I wasn't laughing at his penis, though - I was laughing at the expression on his face. It was priceless! I had put on some shimmering lotion earlier this evening. Later, I gave him a hand job (I wasn't hearing any complaints at that point). Weeellll, he went in to use the bathroom afterward, and I heard him say "What the hell did you DO? There's glitter all over my dick!" Ummm. Ooops!! He came out and showed me, and the look on his face was so...bewildered...that I couldn't quit laughing! I tried, really, I did!

So, anyway, a tip for the ladies - wash your hands after applying shimmering lotion, especially if you're going to handle your guy's goods!

Well, I can't sit still any longer, so I think I'll go run around the house for a while! Have fun, y'all!

Othello ~Jan 1990 - June 4, 2005~

Mood: sad

Today my household is in mourning. We have lost a dear part of our family. Othello was our 15-year-old tomcat, and he died this morning. Hubby is especially devastated

My husband got Othello at the age of 6 weeks from some friends of his. He was a jet black cat with the most beautiful golden eyes. He was fearless - taking on large dogs and even a big snake or two. He'd walk right up to our black lab/chow mix dog and rake his claws across her snout just to remind her who was in charge.

I came to know Othello when I met my husband in 2001. Even though I only knew Othello for four years, we had quite a history. First, there began the War of the Bathmats. Hubby had never had bathmats in the house. He'd just throw down a towel for each shower. I like bathmats, so I bought one for each bathroom. Othello wasn't having any part of it - he peed on both of them the very first day. Oh, yes....Othello was talented at expressing his displeasure! So, I rubbed the cat's nose in it, washed the bathmats, and put them back out. He shit on them. I chased the cat and washed them again. He soiled them again. This went on the entire four years. My darling husband - he started picking the bathmats up when Othello wanted to drink from the tub faucet, just to keep the peace.

Next was the Countertop Flying Lessons. I grew up always having cats around. They were never allowed on the kitchen table or counters, as this is considered unsanitary where I'm from. Hubby had been feeding Othello right up on the counter, and letting him drink from the running tap in the kitchen sink for years. He'd also get the cat a drink of water - get this - IN A GLASS (animals eating/drinking out of dishware grosses me out). Hubby would set the glass in the sink, and the cat would drink. I tried to convert the cat to eating from pet dishes on the floor. The cat refused to drink, and kept jumping up on the counters to look for his food. I'd set him down. He'd jump back up. Soon, he was taking flying lessons off the end of the counter. I think that cat had a degree in aviation by the time I won that battle!

Othello was the reason our windows have no screens. He shredded them long before I met Hubby. If Othello wanted to come back in the house in the middle of the night, he'd jump up and rake his claws down the vinyl window frame at our bedroom window. Now that, my friends, is a hell of a sound! It's like "OK! OK! I'm up, I'm up and I'm opening the door, just don't DO that again!" I suppose we'll be getting more sleep now, but that's not that big a deal right this minute.

Not everything was bad with Othello. He was quite a comical and quirky cat, when you get right down to it. He loved to drink from the tub, as I've mentioned. The water had to be a slow stream, and he'd stand in the tub in front of the stream of water, stick his cupped paw in, and pull the water to his mouth. It was adorable! He also used to tap us to get our attention. The first time he did it to me was in the middle of the night. We had pulled the mattress out into the living room in front of the couch so we could sleep near the crackling fireplace. I dozed off, and after a while, just about jumped off the bed - Othello was sitting on the couch above my head, and had reached down with his paw and tapped me on the head. When I sat up, I looked back to see what had hit me, and Othello was looking at me like, "Well?". Hubby laughed himself silly. Apparently, this was Othello's customary way of asking for a drink or to go out at night. I didn't think it was very funny at 3am, but later, I had many chances to observe Othello doing this to hubby, and it really was adorable. He'd get the most thoughtful look on his face, and oh-so-gently reach out and nudge hubby's face. If hubby was at the computer, the cat would reach up and nudge his elbow. Sweet.

About eight months ago, we spent $1500 at the vet for Othello. He needed surgery. He had somehow put a hole in his diaphragm, and his gallbladder had gotten pulled partway through and was being squeezed. We didn't know that at the time, though. All the vet knew for sure was that his bilirubin and blood pressure were high. Hubby wasn't ready to let Othello go yet, so we did the surgery. We're glad we did, since it turned out to be an injury that was relatively easy to fix. It was a close call, though, and I think it did a lot to prepare Hubby for losing Othello.

Othello moved to Colorado and back with Hubby. He got loose in a hotel parking lot on the way back, and amazingly wasn't killed (highway very close by) before he was recaptured. Othello once fell asleep in the back of a neighbor's car, and the neighbor got down the road and almost had heart failure when Othello jumped up on the back of the driver's seat and tapped him on the shoulder.

Othello, honey, you had spunk. While we didn't always see eye to eye, you were an interesting part of our family. We'll miss you, baby.

Rest easy, now little one.