Just Like Starting Over

Thursday, April 28, 2005

Mood: Introspective

New blog = fresh start. This is my second attempt at a blog. I got bogged down and bored with my other blog. It just wasn't ....me. It didn't feel right.

This time, I give myself full permission to bounce around from mood to mood and topic to topic (or topic to mood or mood to topic, even).

Are there a lot of people out there who, like me, are struggling to express the inner voice(s)? It seems I can't settle on one narrative style, one aspect of me to speak for all.

My personal theme song is Meredith Brooks' "Bitch". If I had to choose one song to introduce myself with, that would be it. I've always been too many contradictory things in one body. It makes for some interesting (read: painful/heartbreaking) internal struggles, let me tell you!

Some of my contradictions:
  • I'm not a girly-girl by any means, but put a big ole bathtub full of hot water and suds in front of me and you won't get me out of it for hours.
  • Deep down, I'm...well, an insatiable slut; but past abuse keeps me from expressing it, even with my husband.
  • I hate being told what to do and losing control of a situation, but feel most free when restrained (which would freak dear hubby out).
  • I'm an adult crayon snob.
  • I would like life to be simple, but I go out of my way to complicate things (subconsciously for the most part, although I've caught myself doing it before).
  • I tend to be a perfectionist, but my house is a mess (perfecting disaster, perhaps?).

Some days I don't make sense to myself.

So anyway, pull up a chair, beanbag, bench, stool, sofa, magic carpet, or whatever your pleasure is, and introduce yourself.

2 comments:

ZiPpo said...

Now THAT is more like it. Let yourself pour out onto the pages, regardless of which "voice" you are personifying. Welcome back, or I should say, judging from your new (out)look, Welcome Home Sapphire!

Sapphire's Soul said...

Thank you, Zippo! It's nice to be here.

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