Just Like Starting Over

Thursday, April 28, 2005

Mood: Introspective

New blog = fresh start. This is my second attempt at a blog. I got bogged down and bored with my other blog. It just wasn't ....me. It didn't feel right.

This time, I give myself full permission to bounce around from mood to mood and topic to topic (or topic to mood or mood to topic, even).

Are there a lot of people out there who, like me, are struggling to express the inner voice(s)? It seems I can't settle on one narrative style, one aspect of me to speak for all.

My personal theme song is Meredith Brooks' "Bitch". If I had to choose one song to introduce myself with, that would be it. I've always been too many contradictory things in one body. It makes for some interesting (read: painful/heartbreaking) internal struggles, let me tell you!

Some of my contradictions:
  • I'm not a girly-girl by any means, but put a big ole bathtub full of hot water and suds in front of me and you won't get me out of it for hours.
  • Deep down, I'm...well, an insatiable slut; but past abuse keeps me from expressing it, even with my husband.
  • I hate being told what to do and losing control of a situation, but feel most free when restrained (which would freak dear hubby out).
  • I'm an adult crayon snob.
  • I would like life to be simple, but I go out of my way to complicate things (subconsciously for the most part, although I've caught myself doing it before).
  • I tend to be a perfectionist, but my house is a mess (perfecting disaster, perhaps?).

Some days I don't make sense to myself.

So anyway, pull up a chair, beanbag, bench, stool, sofa, magic carpet, or whatever your pleasure is, and introduce yourself.


ZiPpo said...

Now THAT is more like it. Let yourself pour out onto the pages, regardless of which "voice" you are personifying. Welcome back, or I should say, judging from your new (out)look, Welcome Home Sapphire!

Sapphire's Soul said...

Thank you, Zippo! It's nice to be here.

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